Four Months

Dear Augustus-

Augustus James, you are four months old and I completely adore you. I can not get enough of your sweet chubby cheeks and your beautiful laugh. You are the best baby in the world.

You’ve learned a lot this month. You just started rolling from back to front, so now you can wiggle all over the floor. Sometimes you can get your knees up under you when you’re on your tummy, which means crawling is not far off. I’m not ready for that!

You weigh 15 pounds and you are 26 inches long. Your yucky tear duct finally cleared up, which is great. You love to chew on your fists and blow little spit bubbles and sing little nonsense songs. This month we did a lot of fun stuff, including a trip to the lake for the weekend. You are a really easy baby who just looks around and takes it all in and is happy 90% of the time.

Sleep has been really bad…really, really bad, but we are getting that on track with some sleep training this weekend. You’re doing great at daycare.

I love this age and I love your sweet personality that shines through. I know in the next few months we’re looking at crawling, teeth, solids, and sitting up, and I’m excited about all of it. But for now I am really enjoying your squishy, sweet, chubby babyness.


Three months

Dear Augustus-

Today you are three months old. In the past month, you have become more interactive. You talk to us a lot, in sweet happy baby cooing noises. You notice when we enter a room and smile SO big, it makes us melt. You adore your mom, dad, big brother, and dogs, gazing on in awe when any of us are around. Recently you have been batting at toys and will hold them when we place them in your hand.

You went through a weird thing a couple of weeks ago where you were very clingy and fussy, only wanted to be held, and would only sleep in my arms. For at least two weeks, I went to bed at 7:30 every night so you could sleep next to me in my bed. It was mildly frustrating because I wanted a little time to myself, but I also enjoyed lying there in the dark, with your sweet body next to mine, me reading my Kindle, you snoozing away.

Now, you sleep in your pack n play for the first couple of hours of the night, and then come to sleep with me. I keep telling myself I’m going to get serious about making you sleep in your own bed, but every night I kind of want you next to me. There’s plenty of time for you to be a big boy, I think. For now I’m enjoying the snuggles.

I went back to work last week and it was a big transition for us all. Your first day at daycare you only ate 4oz all day, which worried me, but by the end of the week you were downing 12oz like a champ. You’ve also learned to take naps without the swing, which is huge. You’ve started holding your neck steady when we pick you up, and you bear weight on your legs. You roll over belly to back and are acting like you want to roll the other way, too.

I’m proud of you, Augustus. You are a sweet baby, I love to show you off. You get fussy sometimes when you are gassy or tired or just want someone to hold you, but for the most part you are a happy boy these days. I’m looking forward to having you with us as we enjoy the summer ahead of us.


Two years!

Dear Alexander-

The last time I wrote to you was a short while before your baby brother was born. Boy have things changed since then!

You turned two this month. You are delightful. You are silly, sweet, loving, as well as independent, stubborn, and fierce. You challenge me and reward me every day of my life. I have spent the past twelve weeks at home with you while on maternity leave with your brother, and these weeks have brought us memories I will cherish my entire life. The first part was very difficult as you adjusted to not being an only child anymore, and I adjusted to being a mother of two. But once we got through that, we have become very good buddies. I have loved having you around, hanging out with me every day.

You are a happy, well-adjusted kid. You talk a lot. You have so many words I wouldn’t even want to count them, and you learn more every day. You mimic us perfectly. You have about a thousand inflections for the word “mama”: loving, awestruck, reproachful, inquisitive, and many more. You sometimes stop playing just to give me a kiss. You love choo choo trains, going down the slide by yourself, Daniel Tiger, fruit snacks, your new big boy bed with the dinosaur sheets that say “rawr”, books, going for walks in the stroller, bubbles, dandelions, chocolate, and dancing. You have the funniest facial expressions and the sweetest heart. You are a caring big brother who loves to show off his baby to anyone and everyone.

We had a birthday party for you, music themed. Your whole family came, and everyone loves you so much. You make me so proud! I just can’t explain to you how much I am enjoying this age and how much I love you.

It blows my mind that we’ve spent the past two years together, the two best years of my life, and you likely won’t have any memories of them. But I will do the remembering for you, or at least I’ll try. I never want to forget how cute you are right now with your flippy hair, silly mispronounced words (strawkey for strawberry, wacker for water), and unconditional love for your mama. You are my sunshine.



Two Months

Dear Augustus-

Oh, Auggie. What to say about the past month? It has gone by in the blink of an eye. For about a week, you kind of forgot how to sleep at night, and it made me go a tiny bit crazy, but things are back on track now. Sleep is something I get very stressed out about, and I wish I could be cooler about it. Right now you sleep in your bassinet most of the night and then come to bed with me around 3am. I am torn between trying to encourage you to learn to sleep more on your own, and just enjoying the snuggles. Your baby only cuddles up to you in bed for a brief window of time, as I have learned.

Anyway, this month you have become a little more interactive. You’ve been making eye contact, smiling a LOT, and talking baby gibberish, which I love. Your smile is just about the best thing in the world! And I swear you have chuckled a few times, too.

This past week, your dad and I took you out of town for a few days while your brother stayed at grandma’s. It was really nice to be able to spend one-on-one time with you. You were a trooper. I even took you to see a movie!

Alex loves you a lot and always asks me to put you next to him on the couch. He introduces you to everyone we see in stores, etc. If anyone says hi to him, he immediately says hi back and then “baby!” and points you out to them.

You are an extremely sweet boy and I’m really savoring the next few weeks before I go back to work.



Oh hey, look at me – out at a Starbucks on a Saturday night with a caramel hot chocolate and a laptop, writing a blog post, with NO children to care for.

Since I’ve been full-time SAHMing two kids under two for four and a half weeks, both Andy and I have realized that on the weekends I MUST get out for a couple of hours for some me time. Everyone is much happier that way.

Everything is going well, for the most part. The past week has been our best yet. Auggie is a pretty easy baby, and really the majority of my challenges the past month have been from Alex. The initial adjustment period was very difficult for him, and it broke my heart.

There was a LOT of hitting and screaming and power struggling. Now there is still a significant amount of that, but it has calmed down a bit. Alex has loved the baby since he met him – well actually, before that, because he always fawned all over my belly – but it was hard for him to realize that the baby didn’t come with his own mommy and he needed to share. Pair that with me being tired and recovering from child birth and having less patience than normal, and we had some difficult days. I remember one day in particular, when Alex took a handful of dog food and dumped it in the dog water bowl for the THIRD time in a row and I lost it and yelled at him. He looked at me and I swear I could read his mind and it said: I want my nice mama back. Mama never yelled at me like that before. And I have to admit that while watching him smack the dogs over and over because he knew I was nursing and didn’t have any free hands, I thought to myself: I want my sweet Alex back.

Slowly but surely, though, we are all in a groove. Auggie sleeps really well. Lately if I can get him to bed around 8:30 or 9, then he sleeps until 1:30 or 2:30, nurses, and goes back to sleep until around 4. He is often very restless after 4 and doesn’t necessarily cry, but whimpers and thrashes around on my chest while i try to get a bit more rest before our day begins. I didn’t get sleep like that with Alex until he was around 6months old and we had Ferberized, so I really cannot complain in the sleep department.

Nursing is also going really well. Auggie is good at it, he had a shallow latch at first, but time and practice have improved that significantly. My supply seems to be better too. Auggie is a much bigger baby than Alex was – 2 lb 13 oz larger at birth. Alex was still a couple of oz short of his birth weight at two weeks, while Auggie was 7 oz past his birth weight at the same age. I’m positive Auggie has already passed the 10 lb mark and I think that being bigger makes him a more efficient nurser and a better sleeper.

My main concern about Auggie is that the poor kid just lives in chaos – there is always a dog barking or a child yelling or a TV playing, and he just takes it all in. Alex’s infancy was like a peaceful bubble. Not so for this kid, who gets smacked on the head while eating. Also if I’m being honest, I think this has inhibited my bonding with him because I have been so distracted and busy. If Alex were in daycare, even part time, and I had time to sit on the couch and just stare at Auggie’s face all day like I did with Alex, maybe I’d feel better. As it is, I just try to drink him up during naptime and after bedtime.

Overall I feel much better than I did after having Alex. My physical recovery was night and day – seriously, even with asecond degree tear, all I kept saying the first week was “this is SO much better than a c-section, and in the hospital I was all “I can take a shower? I can eat whatever I want?!” – and I’m getting way more sleep. One thing I really struggled with the first time around was a total lack of routine and that drove me crazy. Luckily, we have a routine now because Alex pretty much demands it and Auggie just has to fit into it. that has really helped me. I am up at 6am every week day to shower and dry my hair before my husband gets ready for work. Then I pump and get breakfast ready for Alex and get everyone’s diaper changed and dressed for the day. The mornings are long so we usually try to do something – run errands, go play at the library, visit friends, etc – and then have lunch and go down for a nap. I am FAR more interested in leaving the house than last time. If we don’t do something every day, we are all desperate by the time Andy gets home at 4:30. I just figure, if the toddler has a meltdown or the newborn cries or I have to nurse, so be it, at least we got out of the house!

My marriage is…okay…doing pretty well, only one big fight in the middle of the night, which I felt was our norm after Alex was born. I am not cleared for sex yet but I feel I am still really failing him in the intimacy department, but I honestly just can’t care for anyone else at this point. I need to work on that. But we did get out for a date night last weekend and that was good for us.

I am feeling fat and out of shape and I can’t wait to start running soon. I am going to do couch to 10k and I want to get my strong, fast, flexible body back even if that means I never get back in my prepregnancy jeans.

Other than the new baby stuff, Alex is doing well. He is getting big and his language has exploded, he speaks all the time and will repeat anything you say and has begun stringing together crude sentences. It is so cute to watch him communicate. “Mama, blanket book rock night-night please.” “Mama, love you.” “Mama, dada bye bye car.” He has been extremely into his books lately, I think because it’s all starting to click and he can point to things and name them now, and he enjoys that.

Overall, I am happier than I have been in a long time. Certainly happier than I was during that pregnancy – honestly, that was a difficult pregnancy for me, and the end was especially tough. I am falling short in many ways: the house should be cleaner, we could all eat more fruits and vegetables and watch less TV and I could do more educational things with Alex rather than letting him “help me” put away laundry in the mornings. But I feel that both of my boys are happy at least the majority of the time, and  honestly I’m impressed that I’ve been able to keep the plates spinning that I have. I am more confident and far less stressed than I was during Alex’s infancy. I think because this time I know exactly how fleeting it is, and I know not to get too attached and too stressed about the way anything is, because it all changes every few weeks.

I am proud of myself for what I have proven to be capable of.



PS I am so sorry I’ve gotten so bad at commenting blogs. I’m not even going to lie and say it will get better soon. I only read on my phone and it is difficult to comment on those damn things. But I AM still reading and following along with your lives!